The miscarriages have cause a piece of my heart to break. And while I want to grieve fully and completely -- and some would tell you a tad too much -- I don't want to live with heartbreak.
I want to live where the sight of a pregnant woman doesn't remind me that I'm not 7 1/2 months pregnant right now. Where the learning that another relative or friend is pregnant doesn't pierce through my heart with another reminder that I have another little one waiting for me. That there isn't the pain of separation. Of what ifs. Of what might have beens.
Each day I think I get a bit closer.
Then there's an anniversary of a loss or a due date.
Or I simply go to Chick-Fil-A and see a pregnant woman or someone with an infant. And I smile as my eyes fill with tears. So if you see me like that, know I am fighting back even while my heartbreaks again.
2 comments:
Hi Cara,
I saw this posted on facebook, and it brought back so many memories. I had a miscarriage between my third and fourth child, and it was hard to move on. Many people don't understand the sorrow of losing a pre-born baby. God does. I took great comfort in knowing that He shared my heartache.
Since then, I have given birth to my eldest daughter and traveled to China to meet my youngest child. There are still days when I think of the baby I lost. When I do, I imagine the day when I will meet him in heaven.
Surely God has a special place there for our precious little ones.
I will pray for you in the next few weeks.
Shirlee (fellow LIS author)
God holds your tears in a bottle and He weeps with you each time it catches you or overwhelms you.
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