The miscarriages have cause a piece of my heart to break. And while I want to grieve fully and completely -- and some would tell you a tad too much -- I don't want to live with heartbreak.
I want to live where the sight of a pregnant woman doesn't remind me that I'm not 7 1/2 months pregnant right now. Where the learning that another relative or friend is pregnant doesn't pierce through my heart with another reminder that I have another little one waiting for me. That there isn't the pain of separation. Of what ifs. Of what might have beens.
Each day I think I get a bit closer.
Then there's an anniversary of a loss or a due date.
Or I simply go to Chick-Fil-A and see a pregnant woman or someone with an infant. And I smile as my eyes fill with tears. So if you see me like that, know I am fighting back even while my heartbreaks again.