Living with No Regrets

Since January 27, my grandfather and uncle died...exactly one week apart. It's one reason I haven't posted as consistently as usual. My grandma doesn't have wifi on the farm, and it was important to spend time with her.

One theme that kept ringing through as we (my parents, siblings, cousins, extended family) walked through this dark time was that we had no regrets. What a blessing that is. To come to the end of a life and not have regrets of things that weren't said, weren't done, love not shared. Instead, we had sadness but not regret. Here are a few thoughts from that experience.

Friday Countdown: Three ideas for winter weekends

This photo makes me nostalgic for the days my older two were the ages of my younger two. Ah...if only we had snow like that this year!

The weekend is upon us and one of the challenges when the weather is bitter is what can we do? Here are a few ideas and I'd love to hear yours, too:

1) Grab the heavy weather gear and move. Put all those mittens, hats, and scarves to good use. Find some snow boots, and strike out on an adventure. Walk through the mounds of snow if you're lucky enough to have it. If not, see if your town has ice skating, hockey or other cold weather activities. I heard on the radio that in Iowa their climbing ice on the sides of silos. Who know what your community may have!

A Great American & the Brandenburg Gate

When we were in Germany, the place I had my pinch me moment was the Brandenberg Gate. In no small part that was because of the speech Ronald Reagan made in 1987 at that spot. I went to college while the wall was collapsing. I thought I would get a Ph.D. in international relations with an emphasis on the former Soviet Union. My essay the year I was awarded the Truman Scholarship dealt with how we should respond to the countries attempting to leave the Soviet block.

The world has changed...dramatically since those days at the end of the 80s and early 90s. The lady we stayed with in Berlin told us stories of growing up literally surrounded by the Berlin Wall. Of a mother who escaped East Germany in dramatic fashion in the very early 1960s. Of being one of the first people pushed up on to the Berlin Wall the night it fell, and wondering if she would be shot by the East German military.

We live such a protected life. We take so much freedom for granted. We have liberty and don't know what to do with it.  My parents transmitted to me the importance of being involved of caring. I want to do the same. Because as one of the Reagan quotes in this video states,

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.

How Important is Family?

Shucking Corn with Grandma

This week my kids and I made the trek to Nebraska to visit family. Anytime we make the trip it is a drive with a capital D. It takes 14 hours to get from our home in Indiana to North Platte, Nebraska, where my parents, siblings, and their families live.

To my kids, it's a time of COUSINS. Yep, the all caps is quite intentional. Family is important to me. Very important. And to me, my family includes the extended family. I want my kids to grow up as part of a clan. With the idea that they are a part of a bigger picture. That their identity at part comes from having great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who all love God and chase after Him.

I long for my children to own their faith, but to also see how they fit into a larger picture of faith. That they are part of a legacy. While that won't substitute for personal faith and relationship with Jesus, it gives a context and heritage for that personal faith.

Driving lessons with Great-Grandpa

But there's also something to having people in your life who cheer for you when you tackle something hard. Who push you when you're being lazy. Who provide an escape when you need it. Who love you no matter where you are or what you've done. People who will set aside days in their schedule to just be with you.

Last night I played board games with my kids, nieces and nephews (that were old enough). They'd tell you I was being silly, but that was intentional. I want them to know they are important to me. And that's often accomplished best by time.

What about you? What's your family like? Is it as crazy and extended as mine? Or is it more intimate?

What Makes a Job Great

Watching the Olympics got me thinking about my favorite job in college. Back during the 1992 Olympics I worked for the smallest NBC affiliate. It was a great job for someone who loved journalism and thought that was where her future lay (there's a reason my first contemporary  heroine was a tv reporter). That was an amazing time to work at a tv station...especially for an Olympics junkie. The sports director would ask me for the updates on what wads happening, who was competing, how it ll fit together. Perfect for me! I wish I could do that every Olympics!

That got me thinking about work. Our lives are filled with work. That is a good thing. But what makes a job wonderful? Something you can't wait to do?

Me? A Swagger Wagon Mama?

I honestly never thought this day would come. I put it off until my oldest got too tall to climb into the backseat of our Chrysler Pacifica. I LOVED that vehicle. I put off this day until I got tired of not being able to take other kids with us to events. Until I got tired of paying for rental minivans so we could fit all of us and luggage in the vehicle to drive somewhere. So in honor of all moms who drive "swagger wagons", here's the Toyota video. I guess I'm one now, too.

Exercise: I think I can, I think I can

I don’t know about you, but I often have grandiose dreams about the exercise goals I can accomplish. Then reality sets in and I have to acknowledge I am a mother of four – two of whom are small. And I don’t have a gym membership.

Even so, physical fitness is important to me. When I don’t find a way to wedge it into my days, I get grouchy, stressed, and depending on the day ansty. If I’ve established any sort of exercise routine, my body lets me know that it appreciates the chance to let off steam. So what’s a homeschooling mom to do?

Over the years, I’ve had to get creative.

• o   For a wonderful season, I met twice a week with a neighbor to do Body Pump while her girls napped. We’d turn her basement into our personal gym and push our bodies while connecting and fellowshipping. Then she moved. I still haven’t recovered!

• o   I’ve trained for the Indianapolis 500 mini-marathon. There is nothing like knowing you will run 13.1 miles the first weekend in May to make this girl get on the treadmill or outdoors to run the miles necessary to not fall on my face. After the first year, I’ve made it my goal to run a little faster each time. I’ve taken years off when I was pregnant or had a small infant (my husband makes such crazy requests!), but it’s a great way to push my body and fitness levels at a time of year I just want to curl up with a good book. Did I mention I’ve learned how to read while running?

• o   I’ve invested in exercise DVDs. Because gyms don’t work for me at this season, I decided last year to take a small fraction of a gym membership and buy an assortment of workout DVDs. That’s meant some Jillian Michaels, a couple Denise Austin, and a few Turbo Jam. The result is that I have an assortment to choose from: everything from Jazzercise to yoga or Pilates. If I only have 25 minutes, I have a video for that. If I don’t want to sweat, I have a video for that. What I don’t have is an excuse not to exercise.

• o   Now that my children are getting older, I’ve incorporated family walks and bike rides into our schedule.  I could do more with this, but it’s another way to model a lifestyle of fitness.

How do you find time to exercise? Any tips you can share? 

E-Books: Still not convinced..

Within about a week in May I purchased a refurbished iPad2 and found myself with an iPhone (courtesy of my husband). I dutifully loaded them with the Kindle app and books determined to give reading on them a try. I love to have books with me everywhere, but when I had a Kindle, I really didn't use it. For some reason it just didn't click as an enjoyable reading experience for me.

The iPad is great for reading if I'm sitting up (on a train, in a car, waiting somewhere, etc.), but I'm finding it a bit cumbersome for reading in bed or reading while I'm working around the house...my husband laughs when he catches me reading as I blow-dry my hair. The iPhone works better in those settings, but I find I am constantly advancing the page because I read FAST. But the smaller size makes it surprisingly easy to read while on the go or in bed.

Do you have an e-reader? Do you like it? Why or why not? I still think my preference will remain a physical book. There's just something about holding it that I love. Though one of the books I read recently on a reader, I'm likely to purchase in physical form. Doesn't hurt that it's by one of my favorite authors, Randy Singer.

How do you handle stress?

My family and I are getting ready for a grand adventure. And in the weeks leading up to it, our calendar hasn't cleared. Instead, there seem to be at least a dozen more things to do than there are days to do them in. Right now, I wish my desk looked this organized....it doesn't.

This coming adventure is of those God moments...one I can't wait to share with y'all. But because of my tendency to stress, I risk turning it into a nightmare. Ever had something like that in your life? How do you handle those moments?

For me, I'm taking the following steps, as I try to handle the stress graciously:

1) I'm acknowledging that I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed and asking God for the grace to do what needs to be done and release the rest.

The Do-It-All Mom? Who me?

This week I'm starting a new venture. I'm a regular columnist at the multi-talented Nicole O'Dell's Choose Now Ministries. She's dubbed me the Do-It-All-Mom among a sea of really qualified columnists. Do-It-All-Mom? Me?

It's a wee bit intimidating. Ya know?

So I've been thinking about it. Do I do it all?

Yes, I'm a mom to the four amazing kiddos in the picture. I am forever grateful that God has entrusted them to us.

Yes, I'm an attorney, but I'm definitely in a season of slowing that down. I stay involved in a couple areas, but I'm not doing litigation, my favorite area, because it doesn't fit with my life right now. A choice I'd make again -- even though I love litigation.

Yes, I'm a contract lecturer at a University and adjunct faculty at a community college. I LOVE teaching and am so grateful God opened these doors. Lest you think otherwise, remember this too is part time.

Here's a quick way to train for a mini-marathon

The first weekend in May, Eric and I will run the Indy 500 mini-marathon. This will be my third time, Eric's fourth. While I'm by no means the fastest runner, I actually enjoy the way training forces me to do something those dreary winter months when it's easy to keep my posterior planted on the couch. So how do I get ready?

I'm so glad you asked. This month (January) I've tried to get on the treadmill three times a week...if for nothing more than to remind my body how to move. I quickly learned I needed new shoes and then had to take the week to break those in. But now I'm ready to move to the next level. Official training.

But starting February 1st, I'm pulling out a three-month training program that has worked great for me.

Handling Disappointment...

It's been an interesting few days at the Putman household. First, I had disappointing news, then my eldest had a disappointing gymnastics meet.

Disappointment is terrible. Especially when you've worked as hard as you know how to work and hear that your efforts aren't quite there. They don't reach the level needed. Yet there's no clear direction on how to improve.

I cried out to God that I would do the work, I just don't know what that work is. For my daughter she can't feel the pike on her vault. How can you fix something you can't feel?

I'm such a doer. I want the four step plan, so we can take action, do something to move closer to the goal. Yet I get the sense that's not really an option this go around. I'm trying to pray. To circle the dreams with prayer and praise as Mark Batterson puts it in his new book The Circle Maker. I appreciate how God prepared me to handle these disappointments by reading this book and other things.

Here's what I know. Disappointment can push me to work harder, to go deeper as I chase my dreams. Disappointment can also push me away from my dreams. It's a choice I make. What about you? What happens when you face disappointment? Do you have strategies for handling it?

Happy Labor Day to the Dads

Happy Labor Day to the dads?

I know, I know. They aren't the only ones among us who labor. We all do.

This weekend, I'm particularly grateful for my husband...who got Dad of the Year kudos on Saturday for organizing a "Top Shot" style Nerf Dart gun event for our 7 year old son and his friends. I think my son had almost as much fun planning the event as he did during the 2 hours they played. He and his dad spent a week talking, scheming, and dreaming. All I had to do was invite the boys through

Mommy Brain anyone?

Several years ago, after my youngest daughter was born, I remember reading an article in USA Today about Mommy Brain. Before you laugh too hard, there is science supporting the reality that mothers of infants and toddlers have a condition called Mommy Brain.

It is the absence of long term memory. Some days I think my short term memory has abandoned me, too!

Who's Your Family?

Family.

We all have them. And they are all so different.

I have been blessed with an amazing family.

This is my dad with me and my siblings on his back...a long time ago LOL. My parents just left yesterday after coming out for almost a week to free me to work on edits for two August 1st deadlines. They sent me flowers ahead of time to thank me for letting them come!

Did I mention I'm blessed?

But not everybody is so fortunate. They didn't grow up with loving parents in a secure home. They didn't receive hugs freely as a kid to have them to give to their kids. They didn't hear that they were treasured by God from an early age.

Experiencing that marked me. It made me the woman I am today.

Not hearing or experiencing that is just as scarring. It makes people who they are.

So think about your characters...what's their family like? Are their parents married? Divorced? Were they an only child or surrounded by siblings? Did their family have money? Were things hand to mouth? Did they grow up in a family with parents who led them to God? Or did their parents give them a warped image of God? Those questions matter because the answers change how they will respond to the life and challenges you're giving them today.

So what about you? Was your family more functional...or dysfunctional?

Fully Engaged: how to do less and BE more

Don't you love the title of this book? I seriously considered not participating in this blog tour because anyone who knows me knows I am ABYSMAL at being. Instead I move on do, do, do, and squeeze in a bit more doing. Just the other night I mentioned to my husband that I'd probably work less if I had one full time job than so many cobbled together part time gigs.

This book focuses in a few short pages in helping people figure out what really matters to them. What motivates me? What brings me energy and pleasure? It's when I focus on those things rather than everything else, that I can live in a sweet spot of what God created me to do. This book has several helpful exercises to take the theory of reading and help apply it to real life. Did I do those? Um, not yet. Will I do them? Probably. They looked valuable and worth investing a bit of time in.

I think it's important to live with an eye on whether I'm where God wants me. That will move as I live. Where God wanted me five years ago, is not where He wants me today. So books like this are helpful tools to evaluate and determine whether I'm in the right spots. This short book packs a punch as it challenges you to truly evaluate your life and how to weed out the extraneous things that steal your time and your ability to do what God wants you to.

Babies are precious no matter their story.

Every once in awhile corporate America gets it right. This time, Pampers got it right. Below is an ad the company made that shows that every baby no matter how conceived is precious, a miracle and worth loving and protecting.

After you watch it, go buy some Pampers for your little miracle. Or take a package of them to your local crisis pregnancy center or domestic violence shelter. They always need some to give to those who come to them for help.

D.C. Adventure: how to see the key sites in three days

Arlington National Cemetary

Mount Vernon

On the Mall

White House in the background

The kids and I drove out to D.C. last Wednesday. It was full day with enough fog to keep us praying. But all in all a smooth drive. Eric was already in D.C. for business and spent Thursday and Friday with donors. So what did the kids and I see?

I tried to keep my expectations minimal based on the fact the kids and I would run around by ourselves for two day.

Thursday started with the Metro. We could have driven to Arlington National Cemetery from our hotel, but the kids really wanted to experience the subway. I certainly didn't mind introducing them to this great way to get around D.C. We metroed over to the cemetary and FROZE. It didn't feel like spring as we wandered around until we found the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. We watched a wreath laying ceremony, then dashed back to the visitor's center so the kids could warm up their hands. Then lunch with dear friends from Law School.

Friday the kids and I drove to Mount Vernon. After getting rear-ended on Jeff Davis Hwy, the day went great. It was fun how quickly driving around the area came back. The new education center at Mount Vernon was incredible. Unfortunately by the time we got to it, we'd already spent several hours wandering around the grounds and were worn out. But if you're going to D.C., be sure to go to Mount Vernon and allow time for the center...it was wonderful!

Then we drove around Shirlington and Old Town so I could take photos for the novella I'm writing. Cap the night with dinner with great friends, and it was another great day.

Saturday we spent the day with dear friends and went to two Smithosonians: Natural History and Air and Space. Then we walked the Mall so the kids could see the monuments. It was a long walk back to the Metro, but the kids were troopers. The one thing I would change is seeing the Monuments at night. They are spectacular that way, but it didn't work out this trip.

The key to a great trip? Keeping my expectations realistic. The kids and I weren't going to jet from place to place this time like we might when they're older. But they got a great first taste of D.C. And now that we know it's only a day's drive, we'll be back :-)

Spring Break anyone?

I need to upload photos from our trip to D.C. But with my Mac, it's not easy. So that will wait for tomorrow. So for now, here's a fun photo from last week. Love how Daniel looks like he's trying to reach the baby on the screen and Eric's playing along.

We just got back from a quick trip to D.C. I needed to do some research, but we really wanted to reconnect with friends. I am soooo glad we did! It was absolutely wonderful! And the kids loved the time with friends as much as the sight-seeing!
So stay tuned for photos.

If you went somewhere for spring break where was it? Or what's been your favorite spring break excursion? Can you believe this was my first spring break! Through college and law school, I always worked during the holiday!

Done in by Fashion

I'm usually a pretty stable gal. But yesterday morning as I was getting ready for church I was in tears...over clothes! That is so not me!

I'm back in all my pre-pregnancy clothes, which is awesome, but somedays I feel like my options are living in jeans every day of my life -- blech -- or looking like a college student or my grandma. Now I love my Grandma dearly, but I'm not even close to 84. I don't want to dress like it! But I'm also not as close to 18 as I once was.

Can anyone help a girl out?

I spent some time Sunday afternoon darting through all the stores in the mall -- no luck. Problem probably was that I knew exactly what I was looking for. Problem is none of the designers must be on the same page. Ever have that happen to you?

I guess I want to adopt Audrey Hepburn's style. Boatneck t-shirts and capris (when it gets a bit warmer). Pretty skirts with ballet slippers. Things like that.

So what's your style? And if you're a fortunate soul, have you found any place that actually sells clothes that reflect that style?