Living in the Moment with Our Kids

There are days when being a Mom is absolutely, utterly draining. The days when one child after another comes to me, needy, clingy, and filled with attitude. There are days I'd love to check out -- even for fifteen, uninterrupted minutes.

My son in this photo is 2.5. Yesterday he was a newborn I was meeting for the first time. Tomorrow he'll be six, then ten, then fifteen. My 12.5 year old is knocking on the door to becoming a teenager when I could swear just yesterday she was five and beginning the adventure of school and growing up.

I adore my kids, but somedays being a mother is exhausting. So I take the kids to the library and read a book rather than interact with them. Or we go to the park and out comes my phone so I can catch up on something. And of course, that's the day when there's a challenge to moms to get out of our phones and notice our kids. Ironic timing.

Homeschooling: Is it for you?

It's that time of year when parents thoughts turn toward where their kids should go to school in the fall. For some, their thoughts will turn to homeschooling. How can you evaluate whether homeschooling might be right for your family?

I have often heard my mom tell people that homeschooling is for every child...it's just not for every parent. What she means is that every child can thrive in a one-on-one tutoring type instruction. It simply makes sense. Place a child with a caring instructor who can tailor his or her learning to the needs of that child and the child will learn and excel.

However, not every parent has the discipline, patience, endurance to make homeschooling work. I love my kiddos. Adore them even, but there are still days that it would be a lot easier to send them to a school. Fortunately, my kids would still do fine in a regular classroom environment. Yet we choose to keep them home even as we discuss the options available to us

Why?

• Homeschooling is a calling. It may not be a forever calling...I honestly don't know...but I know this is where our kids are supposed to be right now.

• It allows our kids to accelerate at their own pace. Right now, both school age children work above their grade level -- enough so that it would make it a little tricky to figure out where to place them. Still I also love that there's freedom and margin to slow down when needed to insure a subject is mastered before we move ahead.

• I can make sure my children are learning the things that matter most to you. Yes, I am STRINGENT about the three r's, but we start our day with devotions and Bible. This year we've read from Exodus through I Samuel. We're talking about some hard issues and solidifying their understanding of Old Testament history. That's critical to my husband and me.

• We have the flexibility to plan family adventures and school year round. Yes, even during the summer, I make my kids keep working on certain subjects: primarily math and one other area that I feel needs buttressing. But if I know I'll need to be at a conference a week in September, we start a week earlier in August. Homeschooling gives you the flexibility to take advantage of unique opportunities while still schooling.

If you homeschool, what motivates you? If you're considering it, what appeals to you and what scares you?

Guest Post: Speaking Blessings over Our Kids

I am absolutely delighted today to bring you a guest post from my friend Carey Scott. Her husband and I got to know each other through a small critique group in ACFW when I first started writing in 2005. I'm always looking for new tools and encouragement as I parent my kiddos. Here's Carey:

“Sara, you’re beautiful and smart… and you have Jesus in your heart!  Now go be the light of the world!”

I speak these words to my daughter as she heads off to school each morning. Usually, she smiles at me and says, “Mom, you always say that!”

She’s right… I do.

Why? Because I want to speak blessings into her life. Words are powerful, and when we speak truth and life into our kids, it sets them up for success.

Do you bless your children with your words?

Do We Dare to Dream Crazy Dreams with God?

Last summer my family had a crazy adventure. For awhile the longing for a shared adventure had grown in my heart. Because my husband spent seven of his growing up years in the Far East, I’ve harbored a desire for our children to share a similar experience. The more I thought and prayed about it, the crazier it seemed. Yet the longing never left. So I tucked it close to my heart and prayed.

Let’s face it – this was one of those crazy ideas. Children can have wonderful lives without spending weeks in a foreign country. Still…I clung to the idea and prayed.

God sometimes smiles on those crazy dreams we have for our kids that we hardly dare to articulate. Last summer through a miraculous series of events, we spent eight weeks in Germany. Yes, eight weeks! Just because God loves to delight His kids – while we were in Germany my daughter, a competitive

4 steps to building solid relationships with extended family

This post is more poignant this morning. My Grandpa died last night after 93 good years on this planet. So grateful for him and his legacy. So glad we made time for extra stops over the years. Missing him though.

Shucking Corn with
Grandma

Ever have times where you think things were much easier 100 years ago? Families lived in close proximity and we didn’t have to raise our kids alone? It’s so easy to glamorize the past – but I for one love indoor plumbing and electricity. I also love my kids to be connected to their extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and more.

What’s a mom to do when life keeps us moving so fast and the miles separate us from loved ones?

Here are a few things I do with my kids to try to build those bonds across the miles:

1)   Make the commitment to visit. It’s not always convenient, but it’s important. My kids can’t have a connection with my parents if they never see them. Connections take time, so you have to build it in. For my family that means a week at Christmas and ideally another week at some point during the year.

2)   Plan that the time will be focused on connecting. That means hours of playing and hanging out. My kids have their rooms at both grandparents’ houses. They settle in the moment we arrive and feel at home because there is a place for them and their things. At my parents’ home my siblings and their kids spend hours during the week we’re home and my mom cooks lots of big meals. This enhances the chance for the kids to hang out together and get teased by their aunts and uncles. The kids don’t need an agenda. They simply need a time to hang out and connect.

Driving lessons with
Great-Grandpa

3)   Order the time so that you can have meaningful conversations. The other day that meant playing Monopoly with my nephew. Monopoly isn’t my favorite game, but it gave me a vehicle to spend time talking and connecting with my 14 year-old nephew. That’s priceless. We love games because they are an excuse to sit around a table and be together. Find that something for your family.

4)   Look for moments you can have one-on-one time. My kids have 13 cousins on my side of the family. That makes for 17 kids running around when we’re all together. It’s organized chaos. We love every minute, but it means sometimes it’s hard to get individual time with the kids. So I have to be intentional about finding time. It might be playing a game and being ridiculous with my answers. It might be taking a niece shopping. But I want to build the time in so if they ever need me, they’ll know I care about them.

It’s true that modern life often has families scattered across the country, but if we make it a priority, we can still cultivate deep family relationships. Then our kids will know they are part of a legacy and have a heritage that is much more than simply them.

what do you do to ensure solid relationships between your kids and your extended family?

Friday Countdown: Three ideas for winter weekends

This photo makes me nostalgic for the days my older two were the ages of my younger two. Ah...if only we had snow like that this year!

The weekend is upon us and one of the challenges when the weather is bitter is what can we do? Here are a few ideas and I'd love to hear yours, too:

1) Grab the heavy weather gear and move. Put all those mittens, hats, and scarves to good use. Find some snow boots, and strike out on an adventure. Walk through the mounds of snow if you're lucky enough to have it. If not, see if your town has ice skating, hockey or other cold weather activities. I heard on the radio that in Iowa their climbing ice on the sides of silos. Who know what your community may have!

Four Great Family Games for Winter Nights

It's that time of year when the wind is cold and the snow might blow. A time when getting outside isn't always an option, and the kids might get a little whinny. What's a mom to do?

We love playing games at our house, but even the most enjoyable games can get boring after awhile. This month I've had a few new games and we're really enjoying them. So much I thought I'd share them with you. One thing I love about them is most of them have an educational purpose that doesn't distract the kids from enjoying them.

Five Ideas for Making Time for Romance after Kids

One question I often get asked is how can we as busy women find time for romance. Oy, I wish I had this one down. Sometimes life feels like that old country song: Hey Cinderella, how’s the slipper fitting now?

We all want to believe that once we get married, the fairy tale will go on forever. But if we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes life just gets in the way. Add in children, and it can be next to impossible to find time to be a twosome let alone have evenings filled with romance, roses, and passion.

While I will be the first to admit I do not have this down, here are a few ideas, and I’d love to see your suggestions!

1) Make it a priority. Like anything else, if it’s important, we will find ways to squeeze it in to our jam-packed schedules. One thing I’ve learned is that I can’t always wait for my husband to initiate a date night. So sometimes I have to swallow my longing to be the one being pursued and just pick a night and make it happen. If it’s important, then that’s what I have to do.

4 Things to Remember on the Hard Momma Days

A few weeks ago, I asked people for feedback on what topics they’d like to see covered. One of the first suggestions struck home What about those days we feel like a failure as a mom?

Raise you hand if you’ve ever had a day like that. Can you see my hand waving? I have so been there.

The day where I struggle to get out of bed. Then I struggle to keep my temper as the house seems to disintegrate around me. Or the kids pick at each other until I’m ready to cry uncle. Don’t get me wrong…I have great kids. Some of the best I could ask for, but they’re still…well…kids. Or the days I look with longing out the window and wonder what it would be like to see at least a couple of my children off on the school bus. Then there are the days someone asks me how to homeschool – with this look of expectation that just makes me want to laugh or cry.

Great Tools for Parents: Hot Buttons Series & Giveaways

Parents, aren't there some conversations you dread...maybe because you're just not sure how to start them. Or how to plant the right seeds and information for your kids to make the right decisions. Or maybe you're overwhelmed by all the land mines we have to navigate with our kids. 

In the Hot Buttons series, Nicole O'Dell has written a series of books that address the big issues with scriptural wisdom and the information to equip us with the information to have those conversations. Avoidance isn't the recipe for success. So let's open these books and get started with parenting our tweens and teens. 

Confessions of a worn-out Mom

Do you ever have days where if you uttered one word of advice you’d be a fraud?

I've had several of those recently.

We were a week back from Germany, and I was absolutely-completely-stick-a-fork-in-me done. I took the weekend slow, and then jumped back into all of my activities because that’s what I do…I am after all super mom. But these Wonder Woman bracelets are feeling a wee bit tarnished.

So today I just want to admit…publicly…that being me is exhausting. It’s wearing and I don’t do a good job of taking care of me. And that leads by extension to not doing a good job with all the roles I juggle.

Can anyone relate?

Me? A Swagger Wagon Mama?

I honestly never thought this day would come. I put it off until my oldest got too tall to climb into the backseat of our Chrysler Pacifica. I LOVED that vehicle. I put off this day until I got tired of not being able to take other kids with us to events. Until I got tired of paying for rental minivans so we could fit all of us and luggage in the vehicle to drive somewhere. So in honor of all moms who drive "swagger wagons", here's the Toyota video. I guess I'm one now, too.

Summer Getting Long Already?

Sometimes family togetherness can get a bit smothering...so what's a family to do?

I wish I had a bullet-proof plan. I don't. But here are a few things I do...sometimes with more success than others.

1) Pray. God longs for our families to be places of peace. Which means our enemy wants the exact opposite. So be sure to pray for extra patience and grace. Need to stop and do that myself!

2) Mix things up. Have you gone to the pool six days in a row and it's become blase? Then go to a park. Have a craft day. Come up with something different you can do and ask the kids for their ideas.

3) Remember you're building memories. And often the things that drive us nuts aren't even a tiny memory in a couple years.

Praying you'll have peace in your houses. Do you have any tips to add? I'd love them!

4 Tips for Traveling with Kids

School is out so that means it's time to travel as a family. No matter how big or small your family is, any time you had children to the mix, it adds to the packing joys. And the traveling angst. So here are a few ideas that help our family as we're on the go.

1. If you are stopping on the way, pack one bag with everything you'll need for that night. That way you don't have to unpack the entire car. This has really streamlined our travel -- especially with all the kiddos in tow. Shove pajamas, toothbrushes, a change of clothes for each child (and parents) in a smaller bag and keep it accessible. Then when you roll into the hotel in the late hours, you only have one bag to grab along with the sleeping kids.
2. Try to plan activities for the car ride. Our family is a big fan of listening to audio cds. That means for car trips, we'll often hit the library before we leave and load up on audio books. We've listened to Madeline L'Engle read the Wrinkle in Time. Laughed at the antics of the Gallagher Girls and Heist Society. And Eric and the kids could listen to Adventures in Odyssey over and over. All of these are great ways to help the miles roll away. We've avoided videos because I'd rather have the kids read or use their imaginations with the help of an audio book.
3. Have a flight coming up? Those can be especially challenging for the younger kids. This is a great time to pull out new books and toys. A friend introduced us to wikki sticks -- a lifesaver for long flights. These wax sticks can be used over and over and provide lots of creative activities. 
4. Once your there, plan activities for all ages. Sometimes that means we can't do something I'd love because it's not right for the 18 month old. Other times we plan something the 11 year old loves. But make sure the activities are a mix. And be aware that little kids won't enjoy museums unless they're hands-on, so maybe save the art lectures until they are older.

What do you do to make travel work with your kids? 

Pressing the "Hot Buttons"

Today I'm delighted to turn over my blog to my good writing bud Nicole O'Dell. I love her heart for tweens and teens. And my daughter adores her writing. Today she's here to share a bit about a new series of books I'm excited to see...these books explore Hot Button issues. The ones we as parents can't ignore and the ones our young people will confront. Here's Nicole: 

What are Hot Buttons?

Well, in the broader sense, the phrase Hot Buttons means a lot of different things, anything really, that can get a rise out people. Something that charges them up and receives an intense reaction. For the purposes of Choose NOW Ministries, I've defined hot buttons as those tough issues that teenagers face--the things parents are often more afraid of and most hesitant to talk about. Some examples include:

• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Sex
• Friendships
• Racism
• Internet Activity
• Faith Matters
• Divorce
• Dating
• Bullying
• Occult
• and more

Why press the Hot Buttons?

Why not just leave it alone and let the kids figure it out? We can pray for them and trust it all to work out in the end. In some ways it does work itself out, true. Circumstances happen, pressure hits, relationships change. . .and your teens gets to figure it all out. In the heat of the moment. On their own. Hopefully they'll make the right choice, but it's really hard to know what will happen when the prep work isn't done. Take an issue like dating--we talk about the boundaries. We set rules for curfew and other things. We even make sure we apprrove of the date and talk about saying no to sexual advances. Right? And that's great. It really is. But there's something missing. Our teens need to know what to do and what not to do, and what we expect of them, but they also need to understand why that's going to be difficult for them. How does the body respond in ways that make it tough to say no? What will the feelings be like that make it difficult to leave the room or douse the proverbial flames? You see, if we don't hit those truth head on before they become an issue, our teens will think it's a secret, it's specific to them, and we really don't know what we're asking them to say no to. But, if we press those hot buttons in advance, if we have the difficult conversations, then our teens will enter those pressure-filled situations armed with understanding and equipped with the words to say to stay true to their commitments. With every hot button issue, someone is feeding your tweens and teens information--do you really want that someone to be anyone other than you?  

How do I press the Hot Buttons?

Now that you've made the decision to be proactive about helping your tweens and teens battle peer pressure, I love to share the principles behind the Hot Buttons book series and the method of communicating with your teens it prescribes. Each book is topical based on a single Hot Button issue and its surrounding sub-topics. For example, the Hot Buttons Internet Edition deals with social networking, pornography, predators, cyber bullying, and more. The goal isn't to convince parents to keep their kids off the net, but rather to arm them with the tools they need to navigate it in a safe and healthy way. Same with the Dating Edition. It covers early relationships, physical boundaries, date rape, and more. Instead of just handing down rules, parents need to walk their teens through the details and equip them with the understanding of what's out and how to rise above the peer pressure.  

How does Hot Buttons work?

Each book is designed the same way. The first few chapters discuss the hows and whys of tackling hot buttons early and effectively. Part two dives into the topics with statistics and information that every parent should know. Next are the application portions of the book. This is when you put into practice the principles we discuss early on. Strategic Scenarios (up to 15 per book) allow you to walk your teens through a fictional situation and then offer options, choices, as to how they think they'd respond.

Here's an example of the way a Strategic Scenario works:

You really like this one guy at school. You have for a long time, actually. Problem is, your BFF likes him too. And you have to admit, she’s liked him longer, but he seems to prefer you. You just don’t know what to do about it. You don’t want to hurt your friend, but you have to take care of yourself first, right?

Finally, he asks you out. Now it’s decision time. What do you do?

Present the following choices to your teenager:

1. He obviously like you best and telling him no isn’t going to make him like your BFF. You might as well go out with him and deal with her later. What’s she going to do about it anyway?
2. You’ll go out with him, but only secretly. Hopefully she'll never find out.
3. You thank him, and tell him you need a day or two to think about it. Time to have a heart-to-heart with your friend. If she’s okay with it, you’re in!
4. No, too much is at stake. Your BFF will tell you she’s fine with it, but you know it will break her heart. Then what? It wouldn’t be the same again. Plus, you’re supposed to be the Christian; you need to put her first.

Now let your teen make a choice between the responses without feeling judged or directed. You want the response to be as honest as possible.

Here are some discussion points you can use to lead the conversation after the choice is made:

• BFs come and go; BFF last a lifetime
• What would Jesus do?
• How would you feel in your BFF’s shoes?
• Talk about this sort of thing ahead of time. Don’t wait until it’s a real issue. Clear the air.
• Loyalty and honestly are qualities of Christ.
• A year from now, when you look back on the situation, which choice will make you proud?

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets (Matthew 7:12, NIV)

The final chapters of each Hot Buttons book will lead you and your family through confession and forgiveness and then help you walk into the future with a clean slate, armed with the tools you all need to face those hot buttons. If you're a parent of teens, or you know one, I hope you'll visit www.hotbuttonsite.com to read more Hot Buttons posts each week. Also, the first two Hot Buttons books: Dating and Internet, release on 6/1. Following soon after on 10/1 are the Sexuality and Drug editions.   Nicole O'Dell, founder of Choose NOW Ministries and host of Choose NOW Radio: Parent Talk and Teen Talk, is a youth culture expert who writes and speaks to preteens, teenagers, and parents on preparing for life's tough choices. The mother of six, including toddler triplets, she’s author of YA fiction, including the popular Scenarios for Girls interactive fiction series and the Diamond Estates Series, and non-fiction for teens including Girl Talk, 2/1/12, based on the popular advice column she writes with her two daughters. Hot Buttons, O’Dell’s non-fiction series for parents pre-empts peer pressure by tackling tough issues. Visit www.nicoleodell.com.  

Summer Plans? 4 low-cost ideas to try with your kids

Summer is officially upon most of us. The calendar has turned to June and that means school is out for most of us. It also means we need to fill the suddenly empty days. Whether you homeschool or not, here are a few ideas to get you started. Then let me know what ideas you can pass on to the rest of us!

1. Become a tourist in your own back yard. With just a little digging, I bet you'll find some museums that you've never explored. I can think of an art museum in our hometown that the kids and I haven't visited. Then we've got the local university which I just learned has an Amelia Earhart collection. I'm sure there are lots of other resources like that in your hometown, too. With just a little searching we can created lots of inexpensive outing and day trips for our families.

How do we show love at home? I Corinthians 13

Now that Mother's Day is over, and it's back to real life...I wanted to share this version of I Corinthians 13 that Family Life emailed. It is spot on...

If I live in a house that is spotless, perfectly in order, and people are not free to LIVE because my home is more important than my family, I have not love. I have kept a house. I have not made a home.

If I spend an exorbitant amount of money on decorations, and care more about the appearance of my house than the atmosphere of my home, I have not love. My children have learned materialism, not godliness.

Parenting Styles: there’s one for everybody

Recently, we had some friends over for dinner. They came with their clan that mixed with our clan and a glorious time was had by all…until one of the boys decided to send a chair down the stairs with our little angel on it.  She survived without being battered or bruised, and his parents took him to task for his carelessness.

As I thought back to that night, I realized it set up a great dichotomy. My husband’s reaction to the manner our friends parented was that it was overly-strict. I simply reminded him that he tends to be grace-laden. So far that’s worked with our kids, but I won’t be surprised if one of our younger two requires a firmer hand.

This got me thinking. There are so many factors that go into parenting.

• o   The temperament of each child
• o   What issues/vices that child is struggling with at that point in time
• o   The parent’s background
• o   The age of the child

I’m sure you could add to my list. I tend to be very black and white. As a result, I’ve focused on asking God to help me see each child and the heart issues that need to be addressed if any. I’ve also tried to remind myself that dependent on the age of my child, sometimes the things that seem blatantly out of line can simply be the child…being a child. There’s no intent behind the action…but there’s also no wisdom. So my job then is to help them find and remember what wisdom looks like in that environment.

Aren’t you glad that God entrusted you with the kids He did. It wasn’t some celestial mystic. Angel approaches God, “Sir, sorry, but those two got away from us.” No, He fully intended your children to be placed with you.

There are days it feels like a cosmic mistake. When those days come, ask God to reaffirm why He placed them with you. And ask for the wisdom to know how to partner with Him to parent your kids. I have a feeling that’s the kind of prayer He delights in answering.

What I Didn't Know by Rhonda Shrock

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  As a girl, I played house with my dollies, shushing them when they cried and kissing their plastic heads.

Looking back at that girl, I realize now that there was a lot she didn't know.  This morning over my fresh-ground coffee, this mother of 22-1/2 years scratched out a list of 10 things she didn't know then that she knows now.

1.  I didn't know - how could I? - just how completely a tiny, helpless scrap of humanity can capture the heart and hold it forever.  From that first whooshing heartbeat and the first butterfly brushes, a mother's heart is never again her own.  For all eternity, it enlarges, walking and pulsing and moving outside of her body; in my case, in the shape of a blue-eyed boy with rooster tails.  Times four.

He Will Walk With You by Carey Bailey

As a little girl, I loved baby dolls. Loved them! I played school, adoption agency, daycare operator and babysitter all day. I felt like I was born to be a mama. Therefore, I was a bit anxious when the ages, 22, 25, 28 and 32 came and went and there were no babies. Have you ever desired something so much and feared never getting it? That was me.

My day finally came at the age of 34. I soon realized that God knew what He was doing when He had me wait. To my shock, it wasn’t as easy as playing with dolls. I was surprised that it wasn’t the dream world I imagined it would be! I felt like life became a gigantic prayer.

“God, HELP me!”

“Please, God. Please, please, please make it all better. I can’t do this!”