Please acknowledge the pain. Even though you may not understand what the mother is going through, please acknowledge that she's had a loss and that her pain is real.
Little hurts more than having the loss seemingly ignored.
So if you don't know what to say, just say you're sorry. Really that's all it takes. Send a card. Even an e-card. Anything that acknowledges that what they've experienced is real. Because you're silence -- even when because of discomfort about knowing what to do or say -- can be interrupted as not caring. And often that is the farthest thing from your mind.
Things friends and family have done that are meaningful to me:
- emergency deliveries of ice cream sandwiches (my comfort food)
- hugs, hugs, and more hugs
- calls to let me know they were praying and thinking of me
- gifts in recognition of the baby
- We planted two rose bushes last month: one for each baby.